Baa RAM you

Have I mentioned I live on a sheep ranch?  Just wanted to remind you because shit is about to get weird.

I got home late Saturday night and had poured myself a GIANT glass of wine and made nachos because for some weird reason when I finish a big event, its all I want.  Well, actually I wanted to go to a Mexican restaurant and order nachos and a beer, but since the only Mexican place was closed I made due.

YES, I drink wine out of a purple cup, don't you judge me

 ANYWAY, as I start stuffing my face Mike (Henrys dad) informs me that the Vet will be here Sunday to semen test the rams.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Semen.  Semen. Semen.  Apparently its a normal thing in the sheep world and even though I have been involved in ag my whole life I have never seen this done.  A very small part of me was very curious to how this activity would take place... and I'm assuming you perverts are curious too.

Well, let me try to explain... as best as I can.

Step 1.  Bring all the big boy rams into the ranch by telling them they are going on a relaxing spa getaway.  Complete with hoof pedicures and horn shiners

2. Then as soon as you get them in the barn you let them in on the secret.  Shit is about to get real.

that aint no pedicure chair

3. When the ram enters the chute, they are tilted onto their side on a table (modified calf table of sorts).  He then gets a full clinical examination of external and internal sexual organs and the size of the testicles is measured. This reflects directly on the quantity of the semen. After manual stimulation of the internal sexual organs, a probe is inserted (into what I you make and gentle electro-stimulation is applied until ejaculation.  This is when the semen is collected into a test tube and then immediately examined under a microscope and is scored for volume, concentration and contamination as well as the motility of the sperm and any microscopic abnormalities.

5. It sounds like this "FIRE" 8 seconds later "OFF" then out comes the you know what...I got to look in the microscope, it was so cool, I mean it looks just like you think it will.  little tadpoles swimming around like leprechauns looking for the end of the rainbow.

6. Then of course, Henry needed to sort sheep about 7 miles from the ranch, so I spent the rest of my Sunday staring and sheep butts, which was the trend for the day apparently.  Guess it was a little better than what the Rams had to go through.

Hopefully this weekend things are a little less eventful and I can tend to my sad sad garden and get a good run nap in...