Is he Portuguese?

As we all know, I sometimes say really dumb things.  In all honestly, I try to be smart, but stupid things escape my mouth for unknown reasons (I can usually blame wine).  Recently I think I really confused some Montanans... on accident.



A couple weeks ago on my 28th 18th Birthday I went out to lunch with Henry's cousins Jalea and Jill.  I was asking Jill about her boyfriend and she said he was a Bullfighter.  I immediately ask:

"Is he Portuguese?"

Now, this might seem like a strange question (looking back now) because not everyone has lived central California and been to an infamous Portuguese Bull Fight.  Those of you that have been know, that anyone who is a "Bullfighter" is Portuguese, OR Spanish of some sort.  RIGHT?  Speaking of which, if you have never seen a suicide squad in action, I highly recommend it. 

Anyway, back to my story.  I was watching TV the other day and there was a special on about "Bullfighters" and I thought oh! wait... Thats... not... a... bull.. fighter... omg... that's what a bullfighter is???????

When you say "BULLFIGHTER" in Montana:
Its those nice guys that save the BullRIDER from being seriously injuried

When you say "BULLFIGHTER" in California (or Spain, or Mexico):
Its those pretty men that dress up and whip a cape around

Apparently "Rodeo Clown" is not the appropriate term... NOTED!

Now I look back at that conversation with Jill and think, I wonder what the hell she thought when I asked RANDOMLY if her boyfriend was Portuguese.

So, Bullfighter vs Rodeo Bullfighter, write that down.

Also, to add idiocy to myself even more, Jill works in the Rodeo industry, so if I would have stopped, thought, processed, I would have come to the conclusion that her boyfriend was not a Portuguese Bullfighter, but in fact a Rodeo Clown Bullfighter.

Here's Jill's Boyfriend, being a badass BULLFIGHTER

F U gravity, and F U snow

I was SO EXCITED that snow was expected in our forecast.  I remember waking up early in the morning as a child if I saw snow on the ground I was ecstatic, and not just because chances were school was cancelled.  I love snow, or at least I did until yesterday.  

We got a fair amount of snow out at the ranch (its hard to tell how much snow you get because wind makes it accumulate).  NORMALLY when it snows, its slippery, DUH?  So what does an uncoordinated, accident prone person do when it snows?  THEY WEAR SNOW SHOES to eliminate risk of falling on their face.  Well, not this smarty pants, no.  What did I decide to wear?  My cutest pair of fashion boots that have ZERO traction.  As I am leaving the house I said to Henry "I'm probably going to fall today" his reply:

"not with those tiny steps you take"

OHHHHH WELL GUESS WHO WAS RIGHT?! (and I really didn't want to be).  ME.

Let me back up slightly.  I have posted about my family's inability to walk without falling down.

I will have days when I cannot keep a single thing in my hand without dropping it.

you name it: coffee, cereal (one time I smacked a box of rice krispies ALL OVER THE KITCHEN, I'm never making rice krispie treats again), I often scramble eggs without even trying since they fall on the floor.  When I worked at a bar in college I would break AT LEAST 3-5 glasses a night, its a wonder why I was still employed there.  Anyway, you get the picture, hand over your babies at your own risk.

So after coming back from lunch yesterday I walk through the front doors of the store I work at.  I get a good 6 paces in and I'm not 100% sure what happened other than I took a good tumble.  And when I say tumble I mean I ate shit.  Bad.  You know what's great about working in a retail store?  Security Cameras.  Yes ladies and gentlemen, not only is my pride bruised from the incident, but everyone got to re-watch and witness my incredible gracefulness.  Unfortunately for you with formatting all I could muster up was a screen shot.  The picture speaks a THOUSAND words.  And yes, feel free to laugh.  Because its all I can manage to do.

IN MY DEFENSE, I was only practicing my Wicked Witch of the East costume.



All in all, two of my coworkers ran to my aid and picked me up and got me back on my feet.  I twisted my ankle pretty good, but besides being a little sore I'd say my pride took the biggest beating.  So, in honor my my fall, I wanted to share some others falling too, because, as the saying goes "misery loves company" and since I dont have the actual video of my fall, these three are the best depictions I could find.

Safe travels everyone.

Wickedy Wack Wednesday

1. Henry and I only argue about three things.  

1) who is the better basketball player (obviously me)
2) how I squeeze the toothpaste tube (I'll leave that to your imagination, I will admit its not "correct")
3) where all the coffee mugs disappear to.

The other day Henry took the Peruvians into Goodwill for some winter clothes, while he was there he bought 4 travel mugs because the 234 we have at home is never enough.  I'm convinced there are 13 under the seats of his pickup and he is convinced I hide them in various locations.  WELL the other morning he asked where they all were, and my reply was "probably in your truck!"  Well... I came to work and checked the break room... where I found 5 travel mugs.  I was so embarrassed I snuck them into the house so Henry didn't know where they miraculous came from... until my boss saw Henry yesterday and says "tell Sara to take those mugs home more often"  THANKS BOSS

oops

2. Walking Dead started Sunday, WHO'S EXCITED?  This girl.  This girl. and apparently 16.1 Million people.  I'm in a fight with my coworker Lovely over our favorite character.  I OBVIOUSLY chose Darryl, she is team Rick, which I just don't understand.  Rick is annoying.

3. In honor of Halloween, I found this fitting.
9 ways Halloween is different after college

In college, when someone asks if you’d rather stay home and watch “Hocus Pocus”

elitedaily.com

Now…

4. Reason #145 why I never wash my car.  Got on the freeway yesterday after work and my car starts vibrating, like "wait this isn't normal" vibrate.  So I call the Chevy dealer in Laurel and see that they close at 5pm, luckily some money hungry saleman answered, he transferred me to service and the guy said to swing on by... after a test drive and inspection they said mud had built up so much in my tires between the rims that it was putting weird weight on my car causing the shaking... PHEW, so then they power washed the mud out for me as I kept saying "THANK YOU I'M SORRY I'M SURE YOU WANT TO GO HOME AND NOT SPRAY MUD OUT OF A DUMB GIRLS CAR" they were so nice, about 4 guys were helping me, apparently they really had nothing to do or I looked really good yesterday. I'll think the latter.  Anyway, they didn't charge me anything, so I'm taking them some yummy desserts today at lunch to thank them for being overall awesome pants.  I'm never washing my car again.

5. I had two visitors in the last two weeks, April was here at the beginning of the month for a couple days and it snowed just for her.  Then Cortnie was here this past weekend.  Everyone at my work was very surprised I have two friends.  Now I'm just wondering... WHO'S COMING TO VISIT ME THIS WEEKEND??  ANYONE?  jk... guess I'll have to wait for November to roll around when Lesa, Casey, Haley, Kaitlyn, Ms. Henderson (aka my mom) and hopefully Drew and my Bro will grace us with their presence.  I LOVE VISITORS!

who wouldn't want to come visit me?

if you come visit me I can usually guarantee a puppy will play with you, snow will fall on you, and you will ride a horse (length of ride dependent on individual) and you will see lots and lot and lots of sheep.

we got matching sweatshirts made, you say lame?  I say AWESOME

Not so funny MEOW is it?

I had an epic weekend.

Started out on Friday driving to West Yellowstone, it was one of the prettiest drives I have ever seen in my life.  Around Big Sky and the Gallatin River the views were out of this world.  And it snowed last week so the mountain tops looked like they had sugar sprinkled on top.  I drove over with my new Montana friend Staci, its a good thing I met her because she likes taking me on adventures and since Henry works 24/7 she shows me around the state while he is herding sheep.  Its weird too because every time I am with her on an adventure I see crazy wild animals that I have never seen in my life.  So of course this time was no different.   She even told me I would see Big Horn Sheep, which I have never seen before and since I'm an avid sheep watcher/lover I was pretty excited but doubtful at the same time.  As soon as we got into the curvy roads around the river we see a freaking flock of like 15 just chillin on the side of the road, I'm talking ewes AND baby big horns it was awesome.  I'm pretty sure I scared the crap out of Staci because I started screaming while grabbing my phone and yelling 'HURRY TAKE PICTURES' 'AWWWWWWWWW OH MY GOD THIS IS SO COOL, ARE YOU GETTING PICTURES OF THEM?' 'BIG HORN SHEEP ARE RIGHT THERE!' acting crazy would be an understatement, frantic, maniac wacko would begin to describe it.

As you can guess the pics are a little blurry...

As we were coming into West Yellowstone (technically in the park but you don't have to pay for that part we see Elk, HUGE BULLS!  That was cool, Staci made me get out of the car so she could take my pic with them, but since I was screaming again they started running so all you see is me with my thumbs up and a white spot running in the distance.  oh well...  So the only thing next on my list is a Moose.  I'm dying to see a moose.

Once we made it to West Yellowstone we went out to a bar/pub called The Buffalo, it was cool, had a life size stuffed buffalo.

We decided to enjoy ourselves and have a good evening because Staci kept saying "we can run a 5k hungover" which of course in hindsight always sounds like a good idea.  When we woke up the next morning to head to the race and well...

We felt less than amazing.  I look out the window and notice, yes its snowing.  awesome.

After gaining some traction we dressed in our awesome pine needle stampede shirts and I brought my elmer fudd hat since I had a bad feeling I was going to freeze my face off.  Thank god I brought it and luckily (without knowing) it matched my shirt.  SCORE.

We ran the race, we didn't die, but there was a moment I wished a bear had eaten me because dying a terrible death sounded better than continue running in 27 degree weather, hungover, in 10,000 ft elevation.

THEN I DROVE HOME.  Staci went with our other running partners since I had to hurry home to get ready to go to Henry's friends wedding.  As I'm driving home I'm convinced I'm going to see a Moose.  In my distraction I see a park ranger flip a bish and turn his lights on, and I realize I'm driving WELL OVER the speed limit.  As he turns around he turns his lights OFF and just tails me for 2 miles, my heart is pumping out of my chest and I'm just thinking PULL ME OVER ALREADY... so he does.

He asks where I was coming from, I told him I just ran a race in West Yellowstone and I show him my cool wooden metal which he responded "You drove all the way from Molt to run in a race?  (takes all my info) I'll be right back"

Then I just sit there pondering how expensive my ticket is.... He comes back, hands me all of my info and says "you were driving 19 mph over the speed limit.  Slow. Down" I notice there is no ticket in his hand and I get super awkward don't know what to say so this comes out "YOU'RE THE NICEST PERSON I'VE EVER MET IN MY LIFE, DO YOU SEE ANY MOOSE AROUND HERE"  He then proceeds to tell me about all the cool wildlife he gets to see moose included and how he came from Arizona, which that transitioned into me moving from California and then 10 minutes later I realize I'm still having a conversation on the side of the road in Yellowstone National Park with the Park Ranger who isn't giving me a ticket.  So after that terribly awkward conversation I pinky promised to him how I'll go the speed limit and THANK YOU SO MUCH.

PHEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  Crisis adverted.

Got home, went to a wedding with Henry, although we were a little (over an hour) late because he broke an electrical line at the ranch so we went to Lowes for emergency supplies, one lady said to me "wow, nice dress but isn't that a little much for Lowes?" and I replied "this is my Wal Mart outfit"

Sunday night Jason Boland was playing at a local bar in town so I got henry off the ranch for the second night in a row (NEVER HAPPENS) and we had a really fun time.  Mr. Boland and his Straggler friends were super high, like cross eyed high, but when you listen to all his songs he mentions pot or weed in about 75% of his songs so it made sense.  

I was the sober driver and had no idea this was going on behind me

 I even got to meet Jason Boland afterward, he was super nice.  I bought a coozie for him to sign and asked for his autograph.  I said "please sign my coozie, its the only thing I could afford"  I'm also told I cut about 15 people to get this pic... whoops.  Staci then told him that he played at her wedding since she eloped to Alaska for her wedding and they went to a music fest where he played, so technically, he was her wedding singer.  That's kinda badass.